Is There a Best Way??!

Love and commitment. Two words that are mutually exclusive, don't you think so? Unless, you are in an open relationship. Like Brian and Justin in Queer As Folk. If....ehem...my boyfriend wants to have an open relationship where he's free to shag other guys, I think I'm just not sure I'm comfortable with the idea. Though, it is because I'd like to think we, asians are more perceptible to the idea of a monogomous relatonship. It would, however, be different if I were to have a girlfriend. Then, I would be expected to be a one-woman man. Errm, I would like to think that I am. I'm getting ahead of myself here since I have not yet decided on whether I want to pursue a gay relationship or a straight one. But, what the heck! It doen't hurt to give these matter some thoughts, right?!! ;p

The other day, my friend, Z, asked me why N, would not accept him as a boyfriend. He asked me to provide some insight on the reason why, since N is one of my close female friends. He argued that I should know the reason since I'm close to her. Well, I can't rebut that. Besides, she treats me like a brother and thinks I'm cute when I was fat. LOL! Now, she thinks I'm not cute anymore since I lost the chubby cheeks which are now replaced with a moderately defined jawline. Anyway, after much deliberation, there's only one reason I can think of saying without hurting his feelings. That is, Z, is not the type of guy N likes as a boyfriend and that the traits N is looking for in a boyfriend was absence in Z. Wouldn't you give the same reason??! Hehe! I said it in the nicest possible way. He seemed affected at first but quickly recovered his composure. I left it at that. I felt really bad. N and I had lunch last week, when I asked her directly why she won't consider Z as boyfriend material. It looks like, the reason I gave to Z was not far off. She reasoned that she could only think of Z as a friend because that was their how their friendship began. She totally diminished the notion that a friendship can evolve into something more.

Seriously, to me, there are basically two ways of getting a boyfriend/girlfriend. First, if you're interested in a guy/girl, you would go out of your way in trying to get to know him/her such as name, likes/dislikes and etc. Of course, you would have to tell him/her, you want to make him/her your boyfriend/girlfriend. That is established in the very beginning. So, there are no mixed message. Secondly, the courting is done through friendship. It may not begin that way and you may be oblivious at first. You may not have the intention of making him/her your boyfriend/girlfriend. But, along the way, things can change and feelings developed. Then, the question will come to whether the friendship can survive if the relationship does not work. Whew! Get what I mean?! I'm wondering, is there such a thing as which one is the best way?? Or, I'm simply too naive?